Re-Commitment

 2015 is well under way and we've all had time to make and break our New Year's resolutions.  But seriously, the great thing about learning is it's never too late.  Any great success story is built on someone who kept going or recommitted themself to a task.  Parenting is no different and is a lesson to share with our children.

If you fell off the L&L wagon over the holidays, pick one strategy and start using it again.  Get in the habit of thinking ahead so you can be good and ready to smile and say "don't worry, I'll take care of it".  The  nice thing about chronic problems is they're chronic.  You know they will happen over and over, so be ready next time.

Think about what lessons your kids can learn through a little struggle.  Whiile it's tough to watch our kids deal with something in the moment, I feel much better about their future when they succeed and smile, and say "Look!  I did it".  Letting them build confidence through struggle prepares them for the time when they truly have to take care of themselves.

Happy belated New Year!

Thankfullness

As the holidays sneak up on us, it is a good time to remember what we have and be grateful for it.  

It's also a wonderful time to practice being better parents with our kids!  For better or worse, the consumer society we live in creates an almost automatic, and limitless, opportunity.  As kids see all the ads in newspaper and on TV for new toys and games, they can easily get drawn in to the entitlement game.  So what is a parent to do?  Here are a few suggestions:

1)  Model the behaviour you want your kids to learn.  This is sometimes actually harder than it sounds. But can you really expect them to do something you are not willing to do yourself?  So be grateful for what you have and be joyful this season.  The benefit of this idea is it actually helps you AND your children!

2)  Try out that "strategic learning opportunity" you've always thought about.  If you've read anything about Parenting the Love and Logic Way™, you know about the SLO.  Shock and awe your kids and fellow shoppers at the mall/store this holiday season with a well executed plan that would make Navy Seals proud.

3)  Let your kids help with buying for other family members and friends.  Give them a budget for each person and go through the ads with them.  Let them come up with ideas for gifts.  Better yet, get them to contribute financially from their allowance or piggy bank.  It's not the size of the gift but the thought behind it and teaching kids to handle money is always a winning idea.

4)  Take the opportunity to volunteer at homeless shelter, food bank, or other charity with your kids.  Helping those less fortunate is a great way to teach compassion and love for others.

Have a great holiday season!

Parent-Teacher Conferences

It's that time of year again.  No not football or baseball championships but parent-teacher conferences.

Have you ever gone to one of these and the teacher is telling you about how great your child is?  How they listen so well and do what they're told, and act like an angel in class?  And you're thinking to yourself, "who's kid are you talking about?  I think you pulled the wrong folder!"

Isn't it amazing how kids can act so different at school vs. home?  Why is that?  I think part of it is a good teacher sets clearly defined expectations and backs up those expectations.  The students know what is required of them and what will happen if they misbehave.  Good teachers also seem to have the adoration of their students and as such, the students rarely consider acting up because they wouldn't want to displease their teacher.  I want some of that ability!

Perhaps it is just the fact that teachers have some distance from their students and don't have that extra pressure that always seems to be there for parents.  The teachers have them for a few hours a day and then send them home.  Kind of like being a grandparent I suppose.

I can't really put my finger on what the difference is specifically.  What do you think?

Who loves ya baby?

Onlly grandparents are likely to remember that line from the 70's TV show, "Kojak" with Telly Savalas.  My parents watched it but all I remember was a bald guy who ate suckers.  I'm not even sure how that line fit into the rest of the show.  

My point today is all about love.  Not mushy song on the radio love but love for our kids and the empathy that goes along with it.  That's really the key to making everything work.

Our daughter recently had a friend that betrayed her trust.  Her response was to tell the friend that since she no longer trusted her, she would not be sharing any of her thoughts and feelings with her either.  She was effectively cutting her off.  When she informed us about the incident, she proudly told us that she "love and logic'd her".  Aside from the grammatical aspect of that being a verb, we were slightly disappointed.  

As parents who practice Parenting the Love and Logic Way™, we do our best but obviously need to step up our game.  Our daughter only managed half of the system.  She gave her friend the logic but forgot the love.  The justice system gives logic (do the crime, do the time).  It is our hope that she would have learned more than that and maybe she has but in the heat of her anger, she forgot.  It certainly could happen to any of us parents.  

So remember that it is the love and empathy that sets this program apart.  Without the empathy, we become the bad guy for the consequence instead of the child's behavior.  The next time a situation comes up (and it will), pause for one second and remember, love.  Love, love, love.  Then  consequence.  While we're at it, don't forget that it's ok to delay consequences too, but that's perhaps another blog post.

For more information on becoming a better parent, visit www.loveandlogic.com.  While you're there, sign up for their weekly email with practical tips.

Not just for kids!

I was trying to think of some new stories or examples the other day when an interesting parallel occurred to me.  

I was considering the Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ premise that parents should give their kids lots of chances to make decisions AND mistakes to learn their decisions have consequences.  The idea is start early when the consequence for bad decisions is small so that later they are prepared for decisions that could be life or death. 

Of course that is only part of the Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ philosophy.  There is also lots of love, empathy, and accountability.  But here's where it pertains to us parents.

Every interaction we have with our kids is an opportunity for us to become better parents and we should start early when the consequences of our decisions are smaller so that as our children get older and their problems become bigger, we are prepared to handle the situation just like they are.

So hang in there.  If you've tried this parenting style and had some luck but found yourself reverting to old habits, try again.  There are opportunities every day to practice.  Pick one or two chronic issues and prepare for them.  Rehearse what you're going to say.  Think of all the holes in your plan and get help plugging them.  Focus on one thing and don't worry about changing everything overnight.

Enjoy your kids and experiment often!

Opportunities

One of the best things about learning to be a better parent is there is always opportunities to teach your children how to be more responsible.  Of  course, sometimes those opportunities come from watching other parents with their kids.

Our 5 year old has started taking swim lessons at a local high school.  The lessons are taught by students on the swim team as a fundraiser for the swim program.  One of the other ways they raise money is by selling donuts, pop, and snacks afterwards at a table just outside the pool area.  You really can't leave without walking by this table with everything laid out in the most tantalizing fashion.  Can you see where this is going? :)

From a marketing perspective, it's a brilliant move by the swim program.  What kid could possibly walk by that table and not want something as they leave?  So on a recent Saturday morning, Brenda was waiting for Dallas and I to finish in the locker room and had the most wonderful opportunity to watch how the kids AND the parents handled the situation.  Mostly badly.  There was crying, whining, and "selective muscular paralysis" as Dr. Charlles Fay puts it.  Now while amusing, it's important not to get on your high horse and say "Ha.  Look at what a poor job these parents are doing."  We've all been there and even the best kids have off days.  The key is to use that opportunity when it shows up.

So when we came out, Dallas asked if he could have a donut.  The conversation went something like this, "Sorry honey, we don't have a dollar right now to buy a donut.  You're more than welcome to buy one with your own money ...  You don't have a dollar either?  Oh that's too bad.  Well, I suppose I could go to the bank and loan you a $1.00 but then you would have to pay me back $1.25.  That's called interest and is how the banks make their money.  Does that sound good?  No?  Well, we could home and you could get money from your piggy bank and we could take you to Sunrize Donuts.  Their donuts are probably better and less money anyway.  It might use up all your money but you could earn more doing jobs around the house that the rest of us don't want to do.  Will that work?"

Sure enough it did.  So we went home, counted money, went to the donut shop and he picked out and paid for his very own donut, to the endless amusement of the server.  That was the best donut he ever tasted.  The best part?  Now he's asking if there's any jobs he can do and get paid for.  At 5 years of age he is learning the cause and effect of wanting something, saving, and working for it.  How many adults do you know that you wish had that understanding?

So look for those opportunities, they are always coming around.  If you want to learn more about Parenting the Love and Logic Way™, check out www.loveandlogic.com

Thank you Ralston

Thank you to Ralston Early Childhood Education and Stacy Hinze for inviting us to be guest speakers at the SHOE PARTY event at Wildewood, Mockingbird, and Karen Western Elementary schools in Ralston last week. It was so rewarding equipping parents with an introduction to empathy of a tried parenting method that works and conversing with the bright minds of 3-5 year olds as we rotated through stations. Please help us get the word out in the community as we reach out to facilitate Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ classes throughout the metro. 

Our next class will be Saturday, January 18, 2014 from 8am-5pm at Celebration Covenant Church, 168th & Giles Rd.  Cost is $30/person or $40/couple.  One workbook included.  If you are interested, email us at musiklvr299@gmail.com.