Thank you Ralston

Thank you to Ralston Early Childhood Education and Stacy Hinze for inviting us to be guest speakers at the SHOE PARTY event at Wildewood, Mockingbird, and Karen Western Elementary schools in Ralston last week. It was so rewarding equipping parents with an introduction to empathy of a tried parenting method that works and conversing with the bright minds of 3-5 year olds as we rotated through stations. Please help us get the word out in the community as we reach out to facilitate Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ classes throughout the metro. 

Our next class will be Saturday, January 18, 2014 from 8am-5pm at Celebration Covenant Church, 168th & Giles Rd.  Cost is $30/person or $40/couple.  One workbook included.  If you are interested, email us at musiklvr299@gmail.com.

Class questions

Thanks to all who made our last class on September 7 a great success.  We had 13 people with 6 of them adoptive parents so it was an interesting group.

During lunch, one of the parents asked me a question. Their child's pediatrician had told them that if a kid is having a fit in a store, you should let them.  Just go about your shopping, ignoring them and let them scream and yell.  The reasoning was that the child learns that no matter how big a fit they throw, the parent will not yield and the child won't get his way.  The question then was what I thought about that.

My reaction was ... Wow, really? Though that's not really an answer.  Now keep in mind this is my take on it but to me this sounds pretty ridiculous.  I would take my child out of the store or arrange a "strategic learning opportunity" as they teach in the class.  The reason is I want my child to learn that throwing tantrums, whether in a store or at home is not acceptable behavior.  Allowing them to behave that way even if they don't get their way sends the wrong message.

Has anyone else heard of such wild advice?

Again, thanks to all who gave up their Saturday to learn how to be a better parent and have some fun in the process.  If you or someone you know would be interested in attending a future class, send us an email or leave a comment and we will let you know when the next one will be.  Right now we are trying to decide if we should squeeze one in November or wait until January.

Thanks for reading!

Another Class, Another Opportunity

Another opportunity to take Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ is on the schedule!

We are offering another class on:

September 7, 2013 from 8am-5pm
at Celebration Covenant Church
168th & Giles Rd, Omaha, NE
www.celebrationcovenant.org

$30/person or $40/couple
One workbook and lunch is included.

Go to the church website above for registration information.
Hope to see you there!

Daycare consequences

Last week when I picked up our 4yo from daycare, his teacher approached me holding a plastic bag filled with what looked like colored paper pieces.  Apparently during nap time his cot was against one of the walls and there was a spot where the paint had peeled off.  So he peeled more paint off the wall until the are was about 6x9 inches!

It was a test for me as a Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ facilitator because your first instinct is NOT to say, "Aaaahhhh.   How sad."

So Brenda and I had a discussion and decided this was a great learning opportunity.  We talked to him and let him know that peeling paint off a wall was a very sad thing to do because now he was responsible for making it right.  Since it was at daycare, he wouldn't be able to fix it himself but would have to pay to have them fix it.  So we counted up his piggy bank and then went to the hardware store to see how much it would cost to fix.

Well, with paint, spackle, sandpaper, and brush, we estimated it would be $15 to fix the spot.  That meant he was $2 short.  Oh, how sad.  How was he going to earn those extra dollars?  Would he like to hear what other kids have done?  He decided that he wasn't interested in selling any toys at the moment but cleaning the kitchen floor would work just fine.  So we got the bucket, soap, and mop and a good time was had cleaning the kitchen floor.  He was very proud of his working pointing out to me how clean it was but that it was a lot of work.  Yes!

On Monday, he handed his teacher a note with a $15 donation to the Foundation that runs the daycare and an apology.  The teacher wasn't sure how to deal with it exactly and in fact the director tried to give us the money back.  So we had to do a little explaining about how we parent.

Even a 4yo can figure out that he is the one that caused the problem and he had to be the one to solve it and because of the approach we used, neither us or the teacher is the bad guy!

A final observation.  Yesterday he was gazing wistfully at his piggy bank and said "Piggy Bank empty now."  We responded with a "Yes, that's very sad."  But then perked up and told him "But now you get to fill it up again!"

Is that too harsh as the daycare seemed to think?  What if he was 10 or 12 and did that at a friends house or at school?  What do you think he will do if his friends ever peer pressure him to commit vandalism?  My guess is he will remember well that empty piggy bank.

Day of the Dad

For me, Father's Day is a time of remembrance and reflection as well as brunch and bad ties.  At my youthful, under 50 age, I have already lived longer than my father and been married to my wife longer than I had him in my life. 

Some people unfortunately have bad memories of their fathers and would be just as happy to skip the day.  Some wish they could become fathers but can't for some reason and some are blessed through the miracle of adoption.

So as Sunday nears, think about what it means to be a father and the sacrifices made so you can have a better future.  Maybe it was missing your school concert because he was working but put that money into your college fund so you didn't have to take out a loan.  Maybe it was teaching you to fish or play sports.  Maybe it was joining you and your stuffed animals for a tea party. 

I will remember the good times with my dad, and do my best to make sure I am around as long as possible for my family, teach my kids how to become responsible adults, and most importantly, cherishing every second I have with them.

Relapse regret

Recently, one of our kids was at an event where another couple who had taken the Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ class that we facilitated was present.  Our daughter reported to us with mock horror that the couple had regressed to "counting"!  You know, "get over here by the time I count to three ... One, Two, Two and a half ..." kind of counting.

What do you do as a parent when you fall off the wagon, especially if you've gone through the class and are really trying to change the way you behave as a parent and your relationship with your child?  Throw in the towel?  Of course not.  Nobody is perfect so don't expect to be.  If you relapse in your skills, just let it go and fix it the next time.  There will always be a next time  ;)

If you would like some more tips on how to deal with kids and summer, check out what Charles Fay has to say in this week's Insider's Club post below.

Insider's Club Tip

The hard way

What do you think works better ... telling your child something is a bad idea or letting them find out on their own? 

Our daughter learned that lesson the other day.  For her birthday, we gave her some cash and let her go shopping with some of her friends.  There was a certain store she wanted to go to because it's the "cool" store that all the popular kids go to.  We thought the store was all glitz and no substance with much of the clothing inappropriate for young ladies and certainly not up to school dress codes.  But it was her money to spend.

A few days later, she was decided there was a couple things she did not want so she would return them.  When she got to the store, she got a big surprise and not the good kind.  The store does not return any item for cash back.  You can exchange an item if defective (the button on one of the shirts she bought fell off before she even took the tags off) or they will put the balance on a gift card but no money back.  Wow.  She was crushed and is now on a crusade to warn others about such restrictive return policies.

Sometimes the hardest thing you can ever do is keep your mouth shut.  It took all our willpower not to say "I told you so."  But by holding our tongue, her anger was directed where it should be.  What would have happened if we had not let her shop there?  She would blame us for not letting her do what the cool kids do.  If we warned her about the store, then she would have blamed us for letting her shop somewhere that might cause her to lose money. 

Was the lesson worth the price?  Well truly, we are the ones who lost the money but what will she do in the future?  Will she buy something without checking the return policy?  Will she do a little research into the integrity of the businesses she shops at?  Will she pay more attention to her money and where it goes so when her friends are all broke she is doing well?  From that perspective, it's a worthwhile price.

Maybe they learn too well

We were sitting in the kitchen and our two oldest kids were arguing about something.  It seems like they are cats and dogs they way they can bicker about the stupidest things.  I could tell the younger one was tiring of the whole thing and realized nothing was going to penetrate the thick skull of her older brother and her next response was, "I love you too much to argue."

Now granted, she was already in the middle of an argument and it didn't come out with near enough empathy but I think she's catching on! 

This week Charles has a message about the balance between freedom and self-control.  You can read it here.

Thanks for reading.

What not to do

Sometimes it's easier to say what not to do and this video proves it.  But seriously, do you know anyone who resembles any of these scenarios?  What would a parent that uses Love and Logic® techniques do?

Thank you class

A big Thank You to our 14 committed parents/grandparent that attend yesterday.  It was great to see so many ready to change their lives and the lives of their children. 

We put together a video a while ago to promote this class and a couple attendees have not seen it and I forgot to tell them where to find it so I'll put it here too for anyone else who wants to see.

Thanks for watching!

Ready to launch

We are anxiously anticipating leading the new Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ class tomorrow.  We have 15 parents that are ready to change not only their lives but those of their children.  That's 15 parents who will learn how to let their children make mistakes and learn from them so that later in life, they can be ready to make good decisions and be responsible adults.

Would you like to join us for a future session full of fun and learning?  Do you know of a school, church, or group that would like to help other parents?  Leave us a comment and we will be sure to keep you updated on future classes.

Serve me now!

We were at our oldest son's martial arts school the other night and after the lesson a teen and her mom were buying something at the register.  The conversation went something like this ...

Instructor:  "Maybe you should pay for this instead of your mom."
Teen:  "I don't have any money."
Instructor:  "Don't you have an allowance or something?"
Mom:  "She doesn't get an allowance because she doesn't do anything."


Ouch!  Aside from the question of whether to pay children for their chores or more positive and accurately named Contributions, what does this situation say about their relationship and teaching children responsibility?  Assuming she is not kidding around, the mom is obviously resentful but yet has not taken any steps to remedy the situation at home.  Does the kid feel like that's her entitlement?  Is she learning that the world exists for her and to serve her?  That may work at home but what about when she gets into the real world?

For an idea on how to head this future off at the pass, check out this week's tip by Jim Fay, We're all in this together.

Hunger Games

The other day, I was at DQ on my lunch break.  A couple of tables over was an interesting trio.  Grandma, mom, and a little boy.  I imagine he was a little bored with the situation so he decided to play a game with mom and grandma whether they wanted to or not.

Timmy (isn't that what all little boys in stories like these are called?) wanted to play "pick up".  So whatever was in front of him he would knock off the high chair and wait to see who would "pick up" the item.  For a while mom and grandma took turns picking up his sippy cup, toys, and blanket, but their patience was soon exhausted from this game that was distracting them from their conversation. 

It was amusing (to me) to hear the admonishments from the adults.  "Don't do that again" being the primary one.  But if they didn't put anything on his tray, ie not playing, he would act up.  A real win-win for Timmy.  Attention either way!

What would you have done?  What if there was a better way?  Check out http://www.loveandlogic.com/ for ideas or leave a comment if you would like to be part of our next Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ session.

Upcoming classes

We will be facilitating our first class under the new Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ curriculum this Saturday April 20th at Celebration Covenant Church.  We have about 16 people for this class and 8-10 more that aren't able to attend that date but interested in taking the class. 

We are planning another class for the fall at least, or sooner if there's enough interest.  If you would like to attend or want more information, leave us a comment or send an email.

Thanks and hug your kids!

Welcome to Better Parenting Omaha!

How great would it be to have a loving, respectful relationship with your children?  One that's free of arguing and backtalk?  To have children that grow up to be responsible adults?

Hi, and welcome to our site. We are independent facilitators of Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ course by the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. in Colorado.  During this six session class you will learn how to:

• Put an end to arguing, back talk, and begging.
• Teach responsibility without losing their love.
• Set limits without waging war.
• Avoid power struggles.
• Guide kids to own and solve their problems.
• Teach kids to complete chores without reminders and without pay.

Love allows children to grow through their mistakes.  Logic allows them to live with the consequences of their choices.

If you would like to attend, learn about future dates, or have us facilitate the program for your school, church, or organization, please post a comment or email us.

Hug your kids,
Brenda and Brian Sawyer

This website is not associated with or sponsored by the Love and Logic Institute, Inc.

Love and Logic® is a registered trademark of the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Love and

Logic® was founded by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D., with continued creative and

operational direction by Charles Fay, Ph.D. It is based on the experience of a combined

total of over 100 years working with and raising kids and is based on a psychologically

sound parenting and teaching philosophy called Love and Logic®.  For more information,

please go to www.loveandlogic.com or call 800-338-4065.