Parent-Teacher Conferences

It's that time of year again.  No not football or baseball championships but parent-teacher conferences.

Have you ever gone to one of these and the teacher is telling you about how great your child is?  How they listen so well and do what they're told, and act like an angel in class?  And you're thinking to yourself, "who's kid are you talking about?  I think you pulled the wrong folder!"

Isn't it amazing how kids can act so different at school vs. home?  Why is that?  I think part of it is a good teacher sets clearly defined expectations and backs up those expectations.  The students know what is required of them and what will happen if they misbehave.  Good teachers also seem to have the adoration of their students and as such, the students rarely consider acting up because they wouldn't want to displease their teacher.  I want some of that ability!

Perhaps it is just the fact that teachers have some distance from their students and don't have that extra pressure that always seems to be there for parents.  The teachers have them for a few hours a day and then send them home.  Kind of like being a grandparent I suppose.

I can't really put my finger on what the difference is specifically.  What do you think?

Who loves ya baby?

Onlly grandparents are likely to remember that line from the 70's TV show, "Kojak" with Telly Savalas.  My parents watched it but all I remember was a bald guy who ate suckers.  I'm not even sure how that line fit into the rest of the show.  

My point today is all about love.  Not mushy song on the radio love but love for our kids and the empathy that goes along with it.  That's really the key to making everything work.

Our daughter recently had a friend that betrayed her trust.  Her response was to tell the friend that since she no longer trusted her, she would not be sharing any of her thoughts and feelings with her either.  She was effectively cutting her off.  When she informed us about the incident, she proudly told us that she "love and logic'd her".  Aside from the grammatical aspect of that being a verb, we were slightly disappointed.  

As parents who practice Parenting the Love and Logic Way™, we do our best but obviously need to step up our game.  Our daughter only managed half of the system.  She gave her friend the logic but forgot the love.  The justice system gives logic (do the crime, do the time).  It is our hope that she would have learned more than that and maybe she has but in the heat of her anger, she forgot.  It certainly could happen to any of us parents.  

So remember that it is the love and empathy that sets this program apart.  Without the empathy, we become the bad guy for the consequence instead of the child's behavior.  The next time a situation comes up (and it will), pause for one second and remember, love.  Love, love, love.  Then  consequence.  While we're at it, don't forget that it's ok to delay consequences too, but that's perhaps another blog post.

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