Daycare consequences

Last week when I picked up our 4yo from daycare, his teacher approached me holding a plastic bag filled with what looked like colored paper pieces.  Apparently during nap time his cot was against one of the walls and there was a spot where the paint had peeled off.  So he peeled more paint off the wall until the are was about 6x9 inches!

It was a test for me as a Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ facilitator because your first instinct is NOT to say, "Aaaahhhh.   How sad."

So Brenda and I had a discussion and decided this was a great learning opportunity.  We talked to him and let him know that peeling paint off a wall was a very sad thing to do because now he was responsible for making it right.  Since it was at daycare, he wouldn't be able to fix it himself but would have to pay to have them fix it.  So we counted up his piggy bank and then went to the hardware store to see how much it would cost to fix.

Well, with paint, spackle, sandpaper, and brush, we estimated it would be $15 to fix the spot.  That meant he was $2 short.  Oh, how sad.  How was he going to earn those extra dollars?  Would he like to hear what other kids have done?  He decided that he wasn't interested in selling any toys at the moment but cleaning the kitchen floor would work just fine.  So we got the bucket, soap, and mop and a good time was had cleaning the kitchen floor.  He was very proud of his working pointing out to me how clean it was but that it was a lot of work.  Yes!

On Monday, he handed his teacher a note with a $15 donation to the Foundation that runs the daycare and an apology.  The teacher wasn't sure how to deal with it exactly and in fact the director tried to give us the money back.  So we had to do a little explaining about how we parent.

Even a 4yo can figure out that he is the one that caused the problem and he had to be the one to solve it and because of the approach we used, neither us or the teacher is the bad guy!

A final observation.  Yesterday he was gazing wistfully at his piggy bank and said "Piggy Bank empty now."  We responded with a "Yes, that's very sad."  But then perked up and told him "But now you get to fill it up again!"

Is that too harsh as the daycare seemed to think?  What if he was 10 or 12 and did that at a friends house or at school?  What do you think he will do if his friends ever peer pressure him to commit vandalism?  My guess is he will remember well that empty piggy bank.

Day of the Dad

For me, Father's Day is a time of remembrance and reflection as well as brunch and bad ties.  At my youthful, under 50 age, I have already lived longer than my father and been married to my wife longer than I had him in my life. 

Some people unfortunately have bad memories of their fathers and would be just as happy to skip the day.  Some wish they could become fathers but can't for some reason and some are blessed through the miracle of adoption.

So as Sunday nears, think about what it means to be a father and the sacrifices made so you can have a better future.  Maybe it was missing your school concert because he was working but put that money into your college fund so you didn't have to take out a loan.  Maybe it was teaching you to fish or play sports.  Maybe it was joining you and your stuffed animals for a tea party. 

I will remember the good times with my dad, and do my best to make sure I am around as long as possible for my family, teach my kids how to become responsible adults, and most importantly, cherishing every second I have with them.