Not just for kids!

I was trying to think of some new stories or examples the other day when an interesting parallel occurred to me.  

I was considering the Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ premise that parents should give their kids lots of chances to make decisions AND mistakes to learn their decisions have consequences.  The idea is start early when the consequence for bad decisions is small so that later they are prepared for decisions that could be life or death. 

Of course that is only part of the Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ philosophy.  There is also lots of love, empathy, and accountability.  But here's where it pertains to us parents.

Every interaction we have with our kids is an opportunity for us to become better parents and we should start early when the consequences of our decisions are smaller so that as our children get older and their problems become bigger, we are prepared to handle the situation just like they are.

So hang in there.  If you've tried this parenting style and had some luck but found yourself reverting to old habits, try again.  There are opportunities every day to practice.  Pick one or two chronic issues and prepare for them.  Rehearse what you're going to say.  Think of all the holes in your plan and get help plugging them.  Focus on one thing and don't worry about changing everything overnight.

Enjoy your kids and experiment often!

Opportunities

One of the best things about learning to be a better parent is there is always opportunities to teach your children how to be more responsible.  Of  course, sometimes those opportunities come from watching other parents with their kids.

Our 5 year old has started taking swim lessons at a local high school.  The lessons are taught by students on the swim team as a fundraiser for the swim program.  One of the other ways they raise money is by selling donuts, pop, and snacks afterwards at a table just outside the pool area.  You really can't leave without walking by this table with everything laid out in the most tantalizing fashion.  Can you see where this is going? :)

From a marketing perspective, it's a brilliant move by the swim program.  What kid could possibly walk by that table and not want something as they leave?  So on a recent Saturday morning, Brenda was waiting for Dallas and I to finish in the locker room and had the most wonderful opportunity to watch how the kids AND the parents handled the situation.  Mostly badly.  There was crying, whining, and "selective muscular paralysis" as Dr. Charlles Fay puts it.  Now while amusing, it's important not to get on your high horse and say "Ha.  Look at what a poor job these parents are doing."  We've all been there and even the best kids have off days.  The key is to use that opportunity when it shows up.

So when we came out, Dallas asked if he could have a donut.  The conversation went something like this, "Sorry honey, we don't have a dollar right now to buy a donut.  You're more than welcome to buy one with your own money ...  You don't have a dollar either?  Oh that's too bad.  Well, I suppose I could go to the bank and loan you a $1.00 but then you would have to pay me back $1.25.  That's called interest and is how the banks make their money.  Does that sound good?  No?  Well, we could home and you could get money from your piggy bank and we could take you to Sunrize Donuts.  Their donuts are probably better and less money anyway.  It might use up all your money but you could earn more doing jobs around the house that the rest of us don't want to do.  Will that work?"

Sure enough it did.  So we went home, counted money, went to the donut shop and he picked out and paid for his very own donut, to the endless amusement of the server.  That was the best donut he ever tasted.  The best part?  Now he's asking if there's any jobs he can do and get paid for.  At 5 years of age he is learning the cause and effect of wanting something, saving, and working for it.  How many adults do you know that you wish had that understanding?

So look for those opportunities, they are always coming around.  If you want to learn more about Parenting the Love and Logic Way™, check out www.loveandlogic.com

Thank you Ralston

Thank you to Ralston Early Childhood Education and Stacy Hinze for inviting us to be guest speakers at the SHOE PARTY event at Wildewood, Mockingbird, and Karen Western Elementary schools in Ralston last week. It was so rewarding equipping parents with an introduction to empathy of a tried parenting method that works and conversing with the bright minds of 3-5 year olds as we rotated through stations. Please help us get the word out in the community as we reach out to facilitate Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ classes throughout the metro. 

Our next class will be Saturday, January 18, 2014 from 8am-5pm at Celebration Covenant Church, 168th & Giles Rd.  Cost is $30/person or $40/couple.  One workbook included.  If you are interested, email us at musiklvr299@gmail.com.

Class questions

Thanks to all who made our last class on September 7 a great success.  We had 13 people with 6 of them adoptive parents so it was an interesting group.

During lunch, one of the parents asked me a question. Their child's pediatrician had told them that if a kid is having a fit in a store, you should let them.  Just go about your shopping, ignoring them and let them scream and yell.  The reasoning was that the child learns that no matter how big a fit they throw, the parent will not yield and the child won't get his way.  The question then was what I thought about that.

My reaction was ... Wow, really? Though that's not really an answer.  Now keep in mind this is my take on it but to me this sounds pretty ridiculous.  I would take my child out of the store or arrange a "strategic learning opportunity" as they teach in the class.  The reason is I want my child to learn that throwing tantrums, whether in a store or at home is not acceptable behavior.  Allowing them to behave that way even if they don't get their way sends the wrong message.

Has anyone else heard of such wild advice?

Again, thanks to all who gave up their Saturday to learn how to be a better parent and have some fun in the process.  If you or someone you know would be interested in attending a future class, send us an email or leave a comment and we will let you know when the next one will be.  Right now we are trying to decide if we should squeeze one in November or wait until January.

Thanks for reading!

Another Class, Another Opportunity

Another opportunity to take Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ is on the schedule!

We are offering another class on:

September 7, 2013 from 8am-5pm
at Celebration Covenant Church
168th & Giles Rd, Omaha, NE
www.celebrationcovenant.org

$30/person or $40/couple
One workbook and lunch is included.

Go to the church website above for registration information.
Hope to see you there!

Daycare consequences

Last week when I picked up our 4yo from daycare, his teacher approached me holding a plastic bag filled with what looked like colored paper pieces.  Apparently during nap time his cot was against one of the walls and there was a spot where the paint had peeled off.  So he peeled more paint off the wall until the are was about 6x9 inches!

It was a test for me as a Parenting the Love and Logic Way™ facilitator because your first instinct is NOT to say, "Aaaahhhh.   How sad."

So Brenda and I had a discussion and decided this was a great learning opportunity.  We talked to him and let him know that peeling paint off a wall was a very sad thing to do because now he was responsible for making it right.  Since it was at daycare, he wouldn't be able to fix it himself but would have to pay to have them fix it.  So we counted up his piggy bank and then went to the hardware store to see how much it would cost to fix.

Well, with paint, spackle, sandpaper, and brush, we estimated it would be $15 to fix the spot.  That meant he was $2 short.  Oh, how sad.  How was he going to earn those extra dollars?  Would he like to hear what other kids have done?  He decided that he wasn't interested in selling any toys at the moment but cleaning the kitchen floor would work just fine.  So we got the bucket, soap, and mop and a good time was had cleaning the kitchen floor.  He was very proud of his working pointing out to me how clean it was but that it was a lot of work.  Yes!

On Monday, he handed his teacher a note with a $15 donation to the Foundation that runs the daycare and an apology.  The teacher wasn't sure how to deal with it exactly and in fact the director tried to give us the money back.  So we had to do a little explaining about how we parent.

Even a 4yo can figure out that he is the one that caused the problem and he had to be the one to solve it and because of the approach we used, neither us or the teacher is the bad guy!

A final observation.  Yesterday he was gazing wistfully at his piggy bank and said "Piggy Bank empty now."  We responded with a "Yes, that's very sad."  But then perked up and told him "But now you get to fill it up again!"

Is that too harsh as the daycare seemed to think?  What if he was 10 or 12 and did that at a friends house or at school?  What do you think he will do if his friends ever peer pressure him to commit vandalism?  My guess is he will remember well that empty piggy bank.

Day of the Dad

For me, Father's Day is a time of remembrance and reflection as well as brunch and bad ties.  At my youthful, under 50 age, I have already lived longer than my father and been married to my wife longer than I had him in my life. 

Some people unfortunately have bad memories of their fathers and would be just as happy to skip the day.  Some wish they could become fathers but can't for some reason and some are blessed through the miracle of adoption.

So as Sunday nears, think about what it means to be a father and the sacrifices made so you can have a better future.  Maybe it was missing your school concert because he was working but put that money into your college fund so you didn't have to take out a loan.  Maybe it was teaching you to fish or play sports.  Maybe it was joining you and your stuffed animals for a tea party. 

I will remember the good times with my dad, and do my best to make sure I am around as long as possible for my family, teach my kids how to become responsible adults, and most importantly, cherishing every second I have with them.